And Now For Something Completely Different

Don’t you hate it when people tell you “so, I had this dream last night…” and go on and on about it?

Well, I had this dream a couple nights ago… and I’m sharing it because I’m still laughing about it.

In the dream, my grandfather is teaching me how to surf. We’re in crystalline, turquoise water, so clear we can see straight down to the bottom, which is pale sand, like the beach a few hundred feet away, where palm trees stir in the lightest breeze. Bright blue sky overhead, couple puffy clouds. You get the idea.

[Background note: my grandfather, who passed away 30 years ago, taught me to swim… a few weeks after taking me to see Jaws, if memory serves. He was a tough guy, not in a Great Santini kind of way, but in a fearless “just do it” way.]

We’re in the warm, lovely water, waiting for the right wave, and I am, of course, fretting about sharks. I both love and fear them (perhaps this has something to do with seeing Jaws at a tender age, but I digress). My grandfather is exasperated with me, assuring me in his broad north New Jersey accent “there are no sharks here, awright? You don’t have to worry about sharks. Stop worrying about sharks, goddammit!”

At this point, an enormous Kodiac bear swims straight for him and mauls him, roaring with cartoonish malevolence.

I woke up laughing. No disrespect to my grandfather’s memory (he probably would have found it funny), but you haven’t appreciated the comic value of someone being mauled until you’ve seen an enormous and enormously incongruous Kodiac bear in an idyllic tropical scene.

I think there’s a clear message I was trying to send myself as well, as I spend my waking hours worrying over the big WhatNext looming on the horizon: don’t fret about possible horrors that await you, because in the end the horror that finds you first is something you’ll never see coming.

Thanks for the pep talk, subconscious. I feel so much better now.

Hey… have you voted in my poll? It’s a Chicago-style poll, which means vote early and often!!


3 thoughts on “And Now For Something Completely Different

  1. I was leaning towards literal: Your grandfather is casting his vote for you to go on a surfing adventure next! (Which is what I voted for, as well, but I’m with you on the “Jaws” thing. I couldn’t even lie on a waterbed as a kid!)

  2. I Had a similar dream. I dreamt I was in a cabin with my family & grandparents when a large bear attacked my grandpa & he feel to the ground. I specifically remember it attacking his head & him falling to the ground. This dream happened in Nov. 2 months later my grandpa had a massive stroke & passed away.

    The fact that this dream was telling me something upsets me to this day.

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